It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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