Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
