I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
