He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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