I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
nutella sex= disaster
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
