I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
