People in love make me want to vomit
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
