I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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