She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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