whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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