is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
