I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
