Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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