it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
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