i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
