you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
