Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
