I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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