2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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