i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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