Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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