Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
