New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
