peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
