we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
