i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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