i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
