I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
