How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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