She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
