After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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