My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
