Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i would punch a child for taco bell
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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