mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
