Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think i have two assholes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
