Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
