i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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