You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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