gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
