i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
