why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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