Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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