I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
