kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
