It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
