he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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