i just had sex bonerless
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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