I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I cut my penus on the lid.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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