yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dignity is for republicans.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
