chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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