ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We got so high we made milksteak
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
