You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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