Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
