Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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