Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
