We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
