im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
