she smelled like a LAN party
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
