we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
