Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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