Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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